I don't get it, God, but I trust You.....

Been a while, but been quite eventful nonetheless.

Looking forward right now, and not back, and I have to say it's pretty liberating. I am coming out of hiding behind my own shadow and I'm putting myself in a most uncomfortable position. But the funny thing is, I'm feeling most comfortable with being me, and owning those flaws and accepting those "quirks" as God made me. I'm sure this post will seem mysterious and strange to some but I think I'm starting to learn that if I am to get right with the world, and be a better person, I need to feel God's love first. I know we all say it, but do we do it? Do we really put God in the middle of everything? Our friendships, our homes, our jobs, our stuff, our decisions, ourselves? It has pretty much changed me and shaken me to the point where I don't really know how God could love me the way I was living before. I've learned that through my trials this year at work, I have to trust God will pull me through somehow, and not always the way I expected it to be. I realize that I trust some of my friends and family more than I trust God. I've come to know that by "remembering" the past, I became the past. I was reliving the past, and in that way I could never claim the present and could never grow towards the future. Right now there is a peace that I have, which is from a place of pure joy, pure love, and just pure ok-ness and this gives me hope. Hope that I can change, grow, learn, through God's word and His love for me. I guess that's what God was trying to tell me through that song, "East to West" by Casting Crowns.....Ah ha!

But still, even still .....I will forever be saying...."I don't get it, God, but I trust You..."