Yay! It's over!

I'm so happy that my observation with my principal is over. She seemed to be pleased with my lesson, and I caught a few glances of her doing an approving nod or two while I was teaching, so that's a good sign. But I still have to meet with her, post observation to see how I really did.

I was so nervous throughout the whole thing, but my para (assistant) said I seemed pretty calm. I think that it was great that I was in my element though, with pre-k. Perhaps in another grade I would be even more nervous, but it was a good and strong lesson, which I've done a million times (but she didn't have to know that).

I just feel drained right now. I've spent the better part of the past week preparing for this lesson, and getting my classroom "presentation ready." I think that no matter how many years I've been doing this, I'll always be nervous when I'm being observed. I think it's my character, and I just feel so self conscious, because I know someone is watching me. As a child, I never liked anyone to look at me. I was very shy and my teachers often told my parents that I was "challenging" them because I never spoke. It's funny looking back now at those teachers and the things they said and the way they treated me, because I just see how they made me not feel safe and not want to talk even more! It's so funny but I think that these bad teachers make me a better teacher today, and maybe even a better person!

Blog editing...an unfortunate thing

I have been forced to edit my blog, unfortunately. The "four things about me" post has gained so much attention and sorry to say that it's been negative. I've since deleted the last part of my post where I made a comment, jokingly and now people think I hate all people and kids and that I shouldn't be a teacher! Geez, people, chill out! I guess there are people who read this blog that don't know me, so maybe I will just save those comments for those close to me and who get me and my sense of humor. Oh well, such is life! In my defense, what I meant was that as a teacher, I can deal with kids in my class, but not in other situations, where they're not my students. I think many teachers can relate to that... but if you're not a teacher, you probably think I'm an evil person who shouldn't be working with kids.
Anyway, that's all I'll say about that. And if don't know me and you have a comment that's not so nice, how about you keep it to yourself, cause I sure don't wanna read it. THANKS!

Calgon, take me away!

I am stressed. I am being observed on Wednesday by my principal. And although I really have nothing much to worry about (she is unfamiliar with pre-k), I still care about what she'll think of me, the program, etc. The stresses of being a teacher who cares are just too much to explain, so I won't. The only person who can understand is another teacher who cares. That's it. It's a job like no other. A job that not only affects you but little people you come in contact with and every little thing you say and do makes a difference. There is no slacking off in teaching, no "I need a five minute break," or "I'm taking a long lunch today," or "I'll just zone out for a couple of minutes." Teaching is 100 percent participation. 100 percent presence. 100 percent heart.
I love kids, believe me, but sometimes I need to get away from that. Today at church I finally had a break from the kids, and was able to join my hubby's Sunday School class. I gotta say it was so great! I felt like a mom who got a break to go to lunch with a friend. It was nice talking to grown ups about grown up things, and not about who was out this week from nursery, and what problems there are, and how to solve them. I probably freaked everyone in the class out because I just kept babbling, and talking on and on. It was so nice.
Strangely though, as the hour went on, I felt so out of my element with the adults. I felt like a caveperson who came into civilization. (funny image, I know) I almost missed that nursery and the environment I'd become so accustomed to being in. It almost felt wrong for me to be there, enjoying myself, like I needed to be somewhere, doing something, and somehow I'd forgotten some responsibility I had. I knew the kids were being well taken care of, so I came to a conclusion. I realized that although it's tough and although I may lament about its hardships, I really enjoy teaching little kids. I think it's a special gift that God has given me, to be able to teach and understand small kids. I appreciate that gift and I think that when I feel stressed, it's never about the kids themselves, it's about all that other stuff that gets in the way of me teaching, like red tape, politics, and money. When I can sort through all that stuff and get past it, I feel that is when God reveals Himself to me even more. It doesn't mean I'm still not nervous about Wednesday.