Misunderstood

I wonder sometimes about whether my life experiences have had an effect on who I am, or whether who I am has had an effect on what my life experiences are. I have been such a being in need of control and order in my life. I feel sometimes that this has held me back from experiencing many great things and I've missed so many opportunities because of this.


My sister is having a pretty major surgery tomorrow. I am worried about her, but I am also reflecting on what my sister means to me. I have had a difficult relationship with her throughout my life, and a lot of it has to do with our age difference, but also our different ways of life and thinking. My immediate family has never had a strong spiritual life, and I don't even know if they are believers. I've tried to have the "talk" with my parents about Jesus, but we've never been the "heart to heart" kind of family. Talking about feelings and thoughts is strongly discouraged, and we just sort of float through life, never really dealing with heavy issues. I am the type of person who likes to talk about and analyze feelings, and the funny thing is I feel like I can't be myself around my own family. It's so weird, and I don't think they know me at all right now. I wonder if they care to.


I really had my first heart to heart talk with my sister when I found out about her surgery three weeks ago. I think it's the first time we talked to each other like people, rather than sisters. I realized that I really love my sister and, although we may not see eye to eye on most major life issues, God has placed her in my life and I must embrace that fact rather than reject it.
To be misunderstood I think is the worst feeling that I could feel. I think it happens a lot though. Ever since I was a child, I've been misunderstood. Either people will misunderstand my words, actions, attitude or just plain energy for something opposite of my intentions. Is it others or is it me?


Tonight as I write this blog, I reflect on my role in this world, my influence on others, and my potential to change the course of action by something small. Maybe this heart to heart with my sister will change my family forever. Who knows but God. I love that I can fully put my trust in Him and know that He will take care of the situation. Maybe I need to open my heart more to people, and then I might not be so very misunderstood.



"He who does these things shall never be moved." --Psalm 15:5